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My take on feminism and femininity.

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I feel like as woman we have lost almost all understanding of our true nature. Because of all the noise about who we are supposed to be, we have forgotten what it means to be womanly and feminine. We have lost sight of this beautiful gift that God in His infinite wisdom, has bestowed on womanhood. Our femininity hangs in the balance.

A lot of women now equate femininity with weakness and this is one of the biggest scams that has been pulled on us. It’s all well to strive for gender equality because women are not sub-human beings. We have the right to earn money, own property, have a career, do the things we enjoy, be heard and taken seriously, the same way as men and we have the right be free to be our authentic selves. And I must commend the women who came before us because they have fought the good fight to give us the quality of life we have today.

In our family, being powerful means that you never apologise for being a woman.


– Gergette Mosbacher


Because of them, mankind has evolved to the stage where there is a real attempt at gender equality, with particular focus on the rights, freedom and protection of the girl child. The movement has even created male feminists, and this is great. But we have to come to the deeper understanding that because of our very nature, we are not just equal to men, we are different from them.

As women, we naturally have more impact on our environment than we realize. This is because our primary role in this world is not merely motherhood, it is beyond that. Above all else, our true calling is to NURTURE our environment such that because we are ‘here’, whether at home or at work, everything is better, more beautiful and more fluid. This doesn’t take away from us in any way nor does this restrict us to domesticity.

We need to understand that feminism shouldn’t mean the absence of femininity. In fact, they’re meant to go together because otherwise we will be focusing on the outward aspects of ourselves and neglecting our inner being… our true selves, which is intrinsically feminine.

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I grew up thinking I was weak if I smiled too much or walked with a sway in my hips or conceded an argument. I was taught early on, that ‘what a man can do, a woman can do better’. I was told to not show weakness and that ambition and independence were more important than marriage. It didn’t help that I was only getting positive feedback from my parents for things like good grades, academic and professional achievements; thinking on my feet and doing 10 things at once, cooking for a battalion of people and being the perfect hostess.

I don’t blame them, really. They wanted me to be strong and independent. They didn’t want me to end up like those women who were at the mercy of their husbands or men in general (and there are many women like this, even today), unable to be their authentic selves in the name of culture and ‘a woman’s place’. And to be honest, those were amazing qualities to instill in a young girl. The only problem was that they didn’t teach me about my femininity as a fundamental essence of womanhood. In fact, they stifled it.

If I make a fool of myself, who cares? I’m not frightened of anyone’s perception of me.

– Angelina Jolie

As I grew older, I realized that something was missing within me, and that outside of work, I wasn’t really connecting with people. I had to find a balance and come to terms with feminism and femininity and what they mean to me and understand what it really means to be a woman in today’s world and the immense, but subtle power and responsibility I have just because.

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So, I plucked the courage to grow into my femininity. It wasn’t easy at all, especially at first because it was other women that would look at me and be like, ‘what is she feeling like?’ An older woman once looked at me with such venom in her eyes because I was ‘smiling too much’. One time at an event, a lady came up to me and said I was giving the men around me the wrong impression when all I did was smile and generally have an approachable manner. This caused me to struggle with my femininity for a while and I hid; in work, in hardly going out, in always being right and in clothes that didn’t flatter me… because I didn’t want to ‘offend’ other women. I hid my true feminine, creative and flamboyant nature and I became more polarized.

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Today I know that femininity is powerful and just as important as feminism. Of course, I don’t mean power as in physical strength, I’m referring to power as in pure feminine energy and the effect it has on my environment. This pure feminine energy is a combination of intellectual, sensual, creative, emotional, intuitive, fluid and nurturing energy.

Us women are mystical creatures. We are mysterious and we are magical. The women in history who have owned this power have been known to be irresistible women. These women didn’t particularly meet typical beauty standards, nor did they meet societal standards. They were just women who knew how to be feminine, in spite of the society. These women understood who they were and they used their gifts to affect their environment and shape reality to what it is today.

There is a fountain of youth. It is in your mind, your talent, the creativity you bring to your life and the lives of the people you love.

– Sophia Loren

Women like Maya Anjelou, Tina Turna, Erykah Badu, Elizabeth Taylor, Marilyn Monroe, Jackie Kennedy, Beyoncé, Rihanna, Angelina Jolie, Serena Williams, Sade Adu and so many more. These are just the names that I can remember off the top of my head. In Nigeria, we’ve got Ngozi Okonjo Iweala, Genevieve Nnaji, Mo Abudu, Linda Ikeji, Funmi Iyanda, Joke Silver, Folake Coker, Chimamanda Adichie and other amazing feminine Nigerian women who have combined their femininity and their feminism with their own innate gifts to affect their environment.

However, there is something not quite right with feminism as it is today and it breaks my heart. It has fallen to depths that I cannot resonate with. It has been deliberately misunderstood and distorted by many to imply that men should be less masculine, so that women can be freer.

feministic-feminism-and-not-needing-to-compete-with-men

Women are now more comfortable calling themselves ‘slut’ and ‘bitches’ as a redundant attempt to address the issue of slut shaming (which is that sex is something done to women, not something we can enjoy and it’s totally unfair and is just on of the double standards that feminism fights). Also, in some cases, the fight for feminism has now turned into blatant ‘man-hating’. Another thing that breaks my heart is that a lot of parents neglected to train their sons with the same dedication with which they trained their daughters.

toxic-feminism
There was really no need for this. I wish we could just address the issues with dignity and keep it moving.

All this has left our society very chaotic for the following reasons;

  1. More men are now falling back on their responsibility as providers. This is forcing many women to pick up the slack, causing them to be angry, dissatisfied and disgruntled with their lives and their marriages.
  2. We have a lot of women who are amazing but most of the men their ages do not know how to handle them because even when they mean well, they are usually not as emotionally mature as these women, and they often mess things up before they get it right.
  3. A lot of the women today are now more comfortable with being single and having children outside of marriage (because, less stress), making marriage threats less likely to work like they used to for a lot of women.
  4. Some women are now over entitled, especially the lazy ones. They ride on the back of feminism, but use their femininity to commit atrocities that make well meaning women look bad.
  5. Because feminism as it is today, is sort of morphing into women vs. men, (and this sometimes deteriorates into resentful arguments) it has created 5 awful situations;
a-feminist-under-stress-vs-a-feminine-woman-totally-relaxed
  • Men who take advantage of the independent woman’s need to be in charge of her life, take advantage of her emotions and leach on her financially and otherwise.
  • Men who avoid educated and/ or successful women because their ‘wahala’ is too much, or because they make more money and will not be submissive.
  • The very confused beta males who have taken porn, Snoop dogg and Rick Ross music videos too seriously that they do not realize how toxic they are – toxic masculinity. They don’t know how badly they treat women or maybe, they know and don’t care.
  • Men who are comfortable with watching women struggle and still expect her to be available to them because ‘women asked for feminism’. These kinds of men are uncomfortable with truly feminine women.
  • And men who don’t know how to impact knowledge on their partners without making them feel stupid for not knowing something or the other.
beta-male-vs-alpha-male
Beta male vs Alpha male

The truth is that all the complications we face today regarding this issue have been invented and aggravated by mankind’s hubris as well as his need to control fellow man. This is also coupled with man’s inner fear of the influence he knows that woman naturally has. Feminism and femininity are meant to, and should stand together. Masculinity does not have to be threatened or whittled down. Rather, masculinity and feminism/femininity should bask in one another. Because one cannot exist and properly function without the other.

The weak are more likely to make the strong weak than the strong are likely to make the weak strong.

– Marlene Dietrich

Personally, as a feminine woman, it is such a delicious feeling to be in the company of a man (Alpha male) who is so comfortable with his masculinity and his sexuality, that he isn’t threatened by my femininity and feminism. This type of man is not disturbed by the fact that I can affect him by simply being present. Rather, he enjoys it and allows my feminine energy to salve and heal him. Life is beautiful if we let it. God already gave us the blueprint. Lets not allow ourselves to be misled.

Thanks for reading and have a good day.

3 Replies to “My take on feminism and femininity.

  1. You made some valid points but I think the real issue is information. Many folks especially in Nigeria understand feminism from third-party hand outs, and they take it hook, line and sinker.
    It’s not difficult to understand that feminism is just gender equality, equality doesn’t mean identical. I would like to say a lot but I don’t feel like writing a dissertation today.

    Keep up the good job!

    Ria’s Haven
    http://www.riashaven.wordpress.com

    1. Thanks Gloria. You’re right about the misinformation. it is really uptous women o change the narrative individually and collectively.

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